Fearful Symmetry

When William Blake wrote his famous work 'Songs of Innocence and of Experience', he attempted to express his revelations about two opposing states within the human condition. As adoptive parents looking to travel across the globe, we are poising ourselves for a responsibility that feels excitingly massive, and yet also completely beyond any other aspiration we have ever dreamed of...

As far as I understand it, successful parenting must be fueled by love, selflessness, and for us, infused with faith. On the flip side of this pretty picture, this 'requisite for selfless love' seems a little easier to access when say, shopping for size 12-18 month pajama bottoms then when thinking about hauling and changing diapers amidst the Trans-Siberian tundra... I imagine at every state of parenthood, there must be some affirmation in experiencing one's relationship with their child. To us, it seems like this must coexist with the intimidation of not knowing how one's current decisions will impact the development of their pint-sized blessing? Anyway... In William Blake's poem 'The Tyger,' he too marvels at the creation and design of the mighty feline, all the while shuddering at its magnificence.


The Tyger

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Making Sense of Patience

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.” -Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha)


There is difficulty in waiting... impossibly trying to crystallize the potentiality of a future family. We're looking for answers, clues,... and yearning for clarity! The struggle continues to be to grow our own convictions while being faced with the adversity of not knowing. It's not that we expect convenience, immediacy, or predictability... its just that adoption (like the rest of life), provides us with huge unknowns and the context can appear to change very slowly... Observing patience once again appears to be the recurring theme of our cyclic curriculum. Perhaps it too is beautiful, like the horizon before the sun shines? Surely, it wouldn't be the first time that we've encountered divinity in the form of anxiety.

What's in a Name?

'Clayton' is a family name derived from Old English, essentially meaning 'clay settlement'. Before immmigrating to the new world, the name was representative of numerous regions within England. To us, this name represents the Earth. It represents stability and being rooted to the diversity of western cultures. 'Vayu'(वायु) comes from the opposite side of the world. It is an East Indian name which is similar to the life breath 'prana' in yoga, or the energy 'chi' in 'Tai Chi.' In India, Vayu is the god of the wind and the deity of all life. The name represents purification, movement and vitality. As a couple, our mission in life is founded on discovering and achieving balance between our roles, abilities, aspirations, and worlds. Vayu is a name which represents both sides of this equation. Already the name 'Clayton Vayu' has begun to inspire us with strength and conviction in what is certain to be an adventurous process of adoption.

Fundraising

We have decided to start a t-shirt fundraising campaign to help with the huge expense of adopting. We have made t-shirts that have our own logo "The Clayton Vayu Project" (our baby's name will be Clayton Vayu Horback) and are asking $30 per t-shirt. The t-shirts are available in blue in both men and women's sizes M, L, and XL. To order a t-shirt, click on the following link which will lead you to the PayPal website. Creating an account on PayPal is free and necessary in order to use the service, allowing you to pay by credit card. Once we have received payment for the t-shirt, you will be contacted by email to confirm your t-shirt size preferences.

Above is a photo of our dear friend and her 6 month old baby showing their support by wearing their ''The Clayton Vayu Project'' t-shirts.

We ask that you consider donating to help us fulfill our mission by bringing little Clayton Vayu home from Russia. To do so, please click on the link below. Any donation amount would be appreciated.

The Clayton Vayu Project

It has been six months of waiting with virtually no indication of when we might get our first call to visit Russia. We keep very busy as teachers, but when the chance arises, we are often contemplating the future of our family. We recently decided to construct a strategy to organize further support for our international endeavors. We are calling it 'The Clayton Vayu Project' and are hoping to encourage others to join in with us.

The premise came about surprisingly while working in the basement art studio. I was searching through images of antique planes, trains, and automobiles. I discovered a beautiful image of a P-51 Mustang in lone flight. It seemed adventurous, bold, and mission driven; spirited like some american renegade. Yet, it appeared alone, vulnerable, and maybe even lost. Whatever it was, it seemed to capture our thoughts on the future and quickly became a personalized symbol of our aspirations.

I began using this symbol to create a stencil design for a t-shirt and added along some text. We worked in the basement together to print a few as gifts for family members. When some friends saw the image and heard about our idea, their response encouraged us to take the project idea more seriously. They wanted to participate and really loved the reciprical idea.

We are currently working out the details on the production of the shirts and are hoping to drum up support to help us with our dream.

Apostille Day

After 5 long months of incessantly dealing with paperwork, our adoption documents have finally been prepared and ready to be apostilled. We raced out in the afternoon to the state capital only to be charged hundreds of dollars for a bitter woman to place a tiny sticker on each page of our paperwork. As expensive as it was, we were happy and relieved to finally do it. We sprinted over to the Harrisburg post office and overnighted our precious packet to the adoption agency in St. Loius. We were careful to package it appropriately and not bend a single page out of fear that it might be denied by the Russian government. Along with the postage, we sent our prayers, thankful to finally be able to get this process underway.

At sundown, we leisurely strolled along the Susquehanna River, buzzing with a sense of accomplishment. The series of bridges along the river seemed to represent the journey ahead, although we knew that it would be at least another 5-9 months until we would be able to take our first trip to Russia. We both felt simultaneously eager, and yet, at the mercy of God. We are only sure of a few things. We already have a name, a decorated baby room, and three sets of Siberia-ready snow suits, but we are missing one Clayton Vayu.